B-Wald's blog, Tuesday, September 11, 2012: Truck-Trolling!

So, yesterday I went online with my Xbox and got a message from The Godly Goose. "YOU HAVE BEEN GIFTED A CAR. DRIVE IT AROUND NURBURGRING IN LESS THAN 12 MINUTES!" I downloaded the car, which was an A-class Range Rover. I immediately knew something was amiss: I'm not the fastest driver in the club, but I AM pretty good, and putting an A-class around Nordschleiffe in 12 minutes should be easy-mode for me.

However, it turns out Goose and Commander Sheperd had conspired to create the most terrible car in the universe. As I said to Goose, over Xbox live: "It takes TRUE talent to make a car this wretched!"

The truck's handling had been completely sabotaged. Here are some of the modifications that had been done: Maximum negative camber on front wheels; maximum positive camber on rear wheels; zero spring rate and dampers; no brakes. The list goes on, but those are the worst of 'em.

I think they may have also put magnets in the grille, pulling the truck into the guardrails.

As a result of this expert setup, this thing's handling is simply diabolical. The truck just decides for itself when and where to turn- it CANNOT be driven in a straight line. It's just not possible. When the truck randomly veers left or right, countering it does nothing: Thanks to super-stiffened steering, it reacts several seconds later, with random results.

Having never been trolled in this unique, creative way, I accepted the challenge. My Nordschleiffe run ended up taking about 26 minutes (no joke), rolling the truck 4 times and spending more time in the grass or on the guardrails than I did on the tarmac. I have dubbed it the "DUI simulator", and I challenge ANYONE to drive this horrible thing. I have the car and tune, If you're interested. Either Goose, Sheperd or I can hook you up.

In conclusion: Well done, Goose and Sheperd! Ya got me good. Perhaps it was punishment for my opinions on tuning, lol? I've never seen such a broken vehicle.

-B-Wald